


Mellow Midnight

by orphan_account



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben Mitchell Loves Callum "Halfway" Highway, First Love, How Do I Tag, Love at First Sight, M/M, Mutual Pining, Why Did I Write This?, this is a bit shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:06:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23788309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: But there was something about his scared tone that made Ben want to hold him close, to tell him everything would be ok. As a friend, of course.~Ben Mitchell isn't used to caring about anyone or anything. So when arguing from the apartment above interrupts his thoughts, it's hard to figure out why he wants to help.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 6
Kudos: 32





	Mellow Midnight

**Author's Note:**

> This is my second ben/callum fic (the first is on an orphaned account) and i want to thank @oceandawns , @lolapearce , @bxnmitchell and @howlingsaturn on twitter for inspiring me to write again (indirectly as I’m too shit scared to actually talk to you lot) This fic tries to tackle sensitive issues, so obvious trigger warnings for the things mentioned/discussed. This is based heavily on one of my favourite songs, if you can find which one, you win all my love and appreciation! And if you have any ideas on how to make the fic better/ suggestions of what i can do, feel free to drop them in the comments! I suck at tags, so please forgive me if they’re a bit dodgy. As always, kudos are very much appreciated. Aw, I say this waffle as if anyone is actually reading this, not me at 0 hits! (If you are, thank you! You’re automatically my favourite person ever) enjoy x
> 
> (tw: strong abuse, a LOT of internalised homophobia and very homophobic slurs)

Ben Mitchell was not good at talking about his feelings. Hell, he didn't even like thinking about his feelings. They would swim around in his head, blinding his rational thoughts until he pushed them all down again. He didn't need to feel, he was Ben fucking Mitchell, son of Phil and certified gangster. So when his mum sat him down and pushed a leaflet in his hands, he was less than impressed.  
“Therapy?” he squinted at the NHS approved logo and the 5 star reviews dotted at the top.   
“Yeah!” replied Kathy, with the air of Santa pulling out a particularly large present out of his bag. She watched as Ben's eyes rolled like marbles. “You’re not keen?” he continued to ignore her, crumpling the corners on the brightly coloured leaflet. “Look, Ben” he flinched slightly as the blonde woman sat down and put her arm around him. “I’m worried about you. you haven’t been yourself lately and every time I try to talk to you, you just seize up. I thought, if you had an impartial ear, someone trained to listen you’d… open up more.”   
Ben finally turned to look at her, noticing lines of worry on her usually ageless face. “I’m fine mum, honest.”   
The comforting half-smile Kathy received was far from reassuring, but she decided to drop it; there was no point talking to Ben when he was in one of his moods. “Think about it, yeah? You know where I am if you need me.”  
I need you, please don’t leave me alone. I’m so tired of being alone.

Instead, he plastered on yet another cocky smile, face falling rapidly as she walked out. Alone. That’s all he feels. Completely isolated, where he could walk into a room full of his closest friends and family and still have that sick feeling in his gut that he's not supposed to be there, inflicting his presence, poisoning their thoughts and dousing their positivity in acid. He’s different, and they'd never accept him. It doesn't matter that he’s their son, their brother or their best friend. He’s lying to them all. Except he could never really get it quite right, at least not in his dad's eyes. He was either too soft or too doepy or not “Mitchell” enough. And yeah, the fixation with Lady Gaga didn't help. People were all around him, he had himself and his mum, his best mates, his daughter. But it was empty. They loved him, but not in the way he needed. An ache that seemed everlasting, an itch that had never been scratched. He couldn’t rationalise the thoughts or order them accordingly to even begin to explain. Anyway, these feelings made him sick, he was sic-

A loud rippling crash defragmented his thoughts.

“Pick it up you stupid fag! Can’t you do anything right?!” there was a distinct slur in his voice.  
“I didn't throw- I'm sorry, but please listen to me!” the man's voice was thick, as if he'd been crying.   
“Pick it up, i won't tell you again!”   
There was a short sharp sound and a small cry of pain.

Ben pushed himself up and lifted his head to the source of the noise. The voices had calmed down now, only light footsteps could be heard, but the echoes of the argument waded in Ben's head. What happened?

His head was hazy, all he could hear was the scream replaying in his head, like someone had just kicked a puppy. It was none of his business, he shouldn't care, shouldn't even be thinking about it, but the feeling that something was hideously wrong burrowed inside him and settled somewhere in his gut. 

Sighing heavily, his hand lifted up to his head and slid down his face. This was a bad idea, fuck, fuck, fuck.   
Legs on autopilot, mind spinning recklessly, he started for the door. 

  
~~~~~

  
A short lift ride later, Ben hesitated, hand hovering in the air, debating his next move. From his voice, the stranger sounded old enough to take care of himself and fight back. But there was something about his scared tone that made Ben want to hold him close, to tell him everything would be ok. As a friend, of course. The insanity of the situation hit him, why had he been paying this much attention? He didn’t even know who this guy was, what he looked like, but here Ben was, checking up on him. As quickly as his resolve had come, fuelled by the echoing memory of the strangers voice, it was gone. Leaning back on his heels, he watched the door for a moment longer - as it creaked open. 

Bright blue eyes pierced him, sending him spinning mindlessly, up and up, soaring over stars until a soft hesitant voice brought him back to earth.   
“Can I help ya?”  
It was barely a whisper, so hoarse you’d think it was strained from under use, but the gentle tone sent an array of stampeding animals storming around Ben’s stomach. Swallowing the large lump that had burrowed into his throat, he dragged his eyes away from the blue diamonds, noticing the lilac flowering mark covering his eye, the scarlet fountain spouting from his nose, the grey oversized hoodie zipped up to his chin. Ben had been in a fair few punch-ups in his time and this isn't what the aftermath usually looked like: something was definitely up.  
“Uh, hello?” Callum waved a large hand in front of Ben’s vacant face. Moments later, the same hand hovered over his swollen eye and busted nose, realising what he was staring at.   
“What do you want?” he blurted, perhaps a little harsher than he intended. However the exclamative worked; Ben spoke

“I’m from downstairs and,uh, I heard a noise, like glass, smashing. I just wanted to check everyone,” his eyes flickered breifly to callums violet and red splattered face, “was, well. Alright.”  
Callum heistated, a deer in headlights, debating his next move.  
  
_Bottle hurling towards him, he ducked instinctively, milliseconds away from a very messy facial and a lot of explaining at A & E. _

A tentative laugh escaped “I- I think your mind is playing tricks on you.”  
However, for Ben, the puzzle was starting to click into place. He didn't have that look. The slightly guilty, mostly cocky, with just a hint of arrogance, the look Ben pasted firmly on his face every time he’d had it out with someone. The kind that made out he didnt care that his eye was swollen to twice the size it should be, that he wasnt fussed is nose was basically a different shape.   
This guy just looked… broken. Like there was deep fault lines inside him, cracks and splits everywhere. The gentlest touch could completely shatter him.

“Thanks for caring though mate, thats good of you.”

“You sure you didnt hear anything?” Ben persisted, peering past him and into the house. Bottles, blood, broken glass.  
A head shake. “I wish i could help ya, but i didnt hear a thing. Must've been the wind or something” Callum smiled helplessly, spreading his rough hands. “It was nice to meet you though.”  
Ben glared at him, melting his sympathies smile and swiftly replacing it with polite bewilderment. Liar. Ben’s eyes flashed cruelly.  
“So, your face, that was the wind and all?” He inquired innocently.  
Soon as the words departed his mouth, he knew they were too far. Callum’s handso- beaut- pleasant face fell, a blank slate, as if Ben had seized the sour smelling mop from the corner and vigorously scrubbed any emotion. The door, rife with arthritis, groaned hurriedly closed. Back against the wooden plank separating them, Callum folded to the floor, stifling sobs with trembling fists.

Ben was right. That was a bad idea. The jungle within his stomach, however, obviously disagreed, raging on from the memory of the bruised man’s ocean eyes. He ignored it. Punching the numbers into the lift, he silently concluded he was never listening to his instincts again, outlawing any further contact with the blue eyed boy. Whatever problems he’s got, Ben had way too much shit going on himself. He wasn’t caring enough anyway. Whatever that man (whose appearance was making an illegal permanent tattoo in his mind) needed, Ben barely cared enough about himself. He couldn’t, he wouldn’t help. Deep breaths of polluted London air later, a tall stooping figure hiding under a grey hoodie emerged from behind Ben. Every step he took followed by Ben's criminal longing gaze.

It’s a shame Ben was never one for laws.

**Author's Note:**

> Mwah chapter 1 done! It's well short and very shit but I have a really good explanation for that: I'm a lazy shit. This will only be about 3-4 chapters long so yay! Anyway, thank you so much for reading, I appreciate it so much!


End file.
